Happy Halloween!! I know it was almost a week ago but oh well... really it's still halloween until it's thanksgiving. Right? Right!?

I dressed as a vampire, which I do every year. I used to feel badly about it,  I would try for weeks to get myself to go as something else, and then in the last minute I would always end up a vampire. This year I just embraced it. Which I intend to do every year from now on, until I genuinely get tired of it and want to be something else.

My next year halloween goal is to:

CARVE A DAMN PUMPKIN (I say i'm gonna do it and never do, JADE JUST GET A PUMPKIN. And STAB it. It's not that hard really. GAH)

I somehow fit the contents of a one bedroom apartment, into a 10x12ft room. It took a lot of creative organization. My dresser is now inside my closet and my coffee maker lives on top of my book case but overall I'm actually happy with it, once it's all set up i'll post pictures.

It's been a tough past couple days. Yesterday: I woke up at 6:30am. Drove four hours to Maine. Picked up the Uhaul with my brother. Drove to my apartment. Packed the Uhaul (mind you, I had a second floor apartment). Scrubbed, vacuumed and mopped. Drove four more hours back to Vermont. Brought the things that arnt going to the storage unit into the house. Unpacked stuff in my room. It was 1:00am when I finally stopped moving.

I am so exhausted, last night my back was killing me so I covered it in tiger balm before going to sleep, which I think will be necessary tonight as well. Oh man, I can't even describe my love for Tiger Balm, it's my savior haha. At this point I even love the smell. (f you haven't tried it your missing it out. If you have any sore muscles just slather that shit on. Just be careful and wash your hands really well after; you really don't want it in your eye.

It's weird living at home again, not bad, but just weird. Obviously it's only been a couple of days and nothing is settled but it's actually sort of nice. My mom and I have a pretty good relationship, and Ive missed her. We're like best friends. (But when we fight, holy shit run.) haha It's been nice to have space, and I had concerns about moving back in but I think as long as we make sure we take space it will be good.

I also really missed her amazing cooking, and eating organic, natural food. In Maine it was much harder to come by, but In Brattleboro there's a great organic food coop and a lot of local farms. Today my mom's best friends came over, to help us bring the Uhaul truck to Keene and unload it, so she made a huge gluten free lasagna. It was amazing! The only thing I would have added was a protein like chicken or beef, but it was still delicious!

(I sadly don't have any pictures of it after it was cooked)

Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the mall and do some shopping therapy. I haven't bought myself anything in what feels like forever. I got rid of two garbage bags full of clothes in this moving process. A lot of my clothes were thrifted, which can be really great, but a lot of them had holes, staines, were too big, too small, or I just never wore because they weren't flattering.  I basically it seemed like I had a ton of clothes but I only wore like 1/4th of them so I got real with myself and finally donated the ones that I didn't like.

I'm also getting a gym membership this week, I'll explain more later but basically I might be going to a military college next year... So I need to prepare physically. And I really need new work out clothes and sneakers. I'm excited! It will feel really good to have some new things.

Overall I'm tired, but generally feeling positive :) It can all be overwhelming at times but I just keep thinking that this will all be behind me soon and I'll be settled in. 

(My living room before being packed into boxes)

I've been pretty numb through the whole moving process, from saying goodbye to everyone, to packing, to cleaning. Driving, being in my hometown and unpacking all my stuff into my old room in my moms house. It's setting in a bit but for the most part I'm just numb, it just all feels like a dream. Nothing is really good or bad, it's just strange and surreal. It's hard to believe that I'm actually back and not just visiting.

(It's so empty, but the sun was always amazing in this room)

I'm gonna miss so many things about Maine. I met so many incredible people there that i'll miss seeing on a daily basis. We're gonna stay in touch, but it's not the same and I know there's an inevitability that we'll drift apart at somepoint. Gah, I want to see what happens in there lives! And be there for all of the exciting milestones! I guess that's why Facebook exists, but it's not like actually being there. 

Even though school didn't work out, I don't regret the time I spent in Maine. I gained so much perspective. Moving to a new town where I knew absolutely no one was incredible. It was challenging and freeing all at once. I loved learning the ins and outs about a new community. I was accepted with such open arms and loving hearts. I showed myself that I can take care of myself, and create a home and community from scratch. I will carry all of the experiences and memories with me into this next phase of life. And I am excited for whatever is next <3